the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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