I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
