Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
try to milk me bitch
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