ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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