i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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