just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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