i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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