Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
