ADVERTISEMENT

• (925): View more from California

  is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her

  Fav 24 9416 955

  share tweet
  

• (219): View more from Indiana

  Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.

  Fav 6 820 4864

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

  Fav 50 1709 17923

  share tweet
  

• (541): View more from Oregon

  New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.

  Fav 11 4498 1158

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family

  Fav 7 3319 1211

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.

  Fav 8 4346 1847

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.

  Fav 5 1735 942

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?

  Fav 6 1294 707

  share tweet
  

• (305): View more from Florida

  Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?

  Fav 5 930 1908

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.

  Fav 6 1112 728

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex

  Fav 2 574 477

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life

  Fav 5 820 471

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire

  Fav 3 297 154

  share tweet
  

• (641): View more from Iowa

  You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.

  Fav 0 86 113

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (240): View more from Maryland

  Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup

  Fav 1 130 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize