So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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