For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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