Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
