we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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