I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My feet surprised me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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