I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
