Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
