My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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