my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
