And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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