I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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