I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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