dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
