sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
