I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
