If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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