it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
