My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You are a genius and a whore.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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