By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
