a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
