Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
