remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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