My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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