Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
