they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize