I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
