then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
