Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
