I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
