i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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