Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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