everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
