My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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