the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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