Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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