Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
dude. I can hear the air.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
