Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
