God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
