Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i dont even know how to be here
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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