officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
