Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
