I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
