So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
