A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Operation Purity has been aborted
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize