New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
