Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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