well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
