You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
