loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
