So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My balls are so social today.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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