Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
