I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
