Jerry, you need to find god
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
