Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
