she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
