What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
