Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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