Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
