the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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