So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
