Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
