I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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