Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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