OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
