I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
