You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
