I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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