I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
