So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
