apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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