How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
