Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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