she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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