guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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