apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
